ADD/ADHD Treatment: 6 Things You Can Do For Your Child
Love, faith, and some traditional good teaching can do wonders for any ADD/ADHD child. You don’t believe me?
That’s probably because of our tendency today to consult an ‘expert’ for every little behavior and emotional problem, and to pretend that parenting and teaching styles matter very little. Search for advice on ADD/ADHD children and you are immediately told you need professional help, that medication can cure this mental disease, and that the advice to ‘love them’ is nonsense and insensitive to parents.
What they don’t understand is that love is not a feeling. It is an action. If you love your child, you will:
1. Believe in him
For a child to do his best, he needs at least one adult in his life to have faith that he is capable of doing well, and who sees beyond the misbehavior to his needs. I remember a teacher who turned around two under-achieving, aggressive brothers who showed all the symptoms of what today would be called ADD/ADHD by making a commitment to take them out every weekend. Where others saw two bullies, she saw two children who needed something interesting to do.
By definition, ADD/ADHD children are those who are having trouble at home or school. If you want your child to turn around, you need to show him that you think he is capable of doing it.
2. Be cheerful around him
If you love your child, be happy when he is around. Everyone likes to be around happy people, and showing our children this courtesy that we normally show to acquaintances is a sign of real love. Show your pleasure when he’s back home from school, or when you meet him after a day of hard work for both of you. Maria Montessori, the famous Italian teacher, used to advise her trainee teachers to pretend to be happy around their students, even if they did not feel happy.
Children are more likely to concentrate and behave well when they are happy, and this is more likely when their parents are both happy. In fact, all the ADD/ADHD symptoms of hyperactivity, impulsivity, and inattention can be a sign of depression.
3. Spend time with him
Put aside time for your child every day. In your special time together, refrain from fault-finding and advising and concentrate on what is going on right. If you have a parent-child date, let him choose what he wants to do and at least for that hour or two try to understand why he likes what he does.
The more parents are involved in their child’s life, the better children do as adults. This is true especially for dads - Dr. Peter Breggin has said ADD should actually be called DADD, for Dad’s Attention Deficit Disorder. When fathers are an active presence in their children’s life, the children have fewer problems with discipline and academics in school.
4. Love the people who your child loves
I assume it’s a parent who’s reading this, and I want to tell you that this means to love the other parent of your child. It is not just a question of staying in a bad marriage for the kids’ sake - it is about creating a good marriage for the kids’ sake. Children in stable, happy families tend to do well.
And whether you are married, separated or divorced, don’t have your fights in front of your children and don’t criticize the other parent in front of your child. Family conflict can traumatize a child and create attention and behavior issues that last much longer than the minimum of 6 months required by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD.
5. Find out what he’s good at and encourage him in it
Every child has his talents and a purpose for his life, and the sooner he finds them the better for him. Encourage your child to try lots of things, and to focus on what he loves best. Don’t be too picky about what interests are suitable - if it is not dangerous, or immoral, and it can be useful in any way at all, encourage him.
The only way for children to learn how to concentrate and stay committed to a task is by doing things they find interesting. Mastering a freely-chosen, interesting task also helps them develop the self-belief and discipline skills that ADD/ADHD children lack.
6. Find out what pushes his buttons and help him deal with it
If it is diet which makes him hyperactive, or teasing by other children that makes him aggressive, or noise which leaves him confused and distracted - you child will need you to help him find out what brings out the worst in him, and help him deal with it. It might be especially hard to shift to a healthier diet and to give up junk foods, and sifting the whole family to a healthful food might be a good idea.
Also make your home a safe and nurturing zone for your children - no cruet teasing, courtesy towards each other and mutual support for studies and work. These are important social skills that ADD/ADHD children often lack, and home is the best place to learn them.
It might seem difficult, but when you do this consistently, children often show dramatic improvement. Doing it the hard but correct way is worth it - children not only concentrate and behave better, but they have a better sense of their own worth and the possibilities open to them, which no medicine can give.
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